Out

Well, seems I’m out… AF hasn’t arrived yet, but I’m fairly certain she’s coming. I woke up with crazy AF cramps this morning, and am feeling sick (sore throat, stuffy head) to top it all off..

Great. Wonderful. I feel gutted.

I sit here balling, not understanding it, not knowing why… after all my positivity, and putting it out to the universe this month that I WOULD be pregnant, why it isn’t the case??

I really thought this was it for me… so much for positive thinking paying off (a.k.a. The Secret) hey?? I’m angry. I feel let down! All over again.

WHY THE HELL IS IT SO??

I was so positive, each & every day, thinking, talking, believing... I thought it would. I put so much of my energy in to this month, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and it now feel's like one of the hugest kicks - EVER.

I don't know how much longer I can keep putting on my happy, brave face for. I just want to curl up in a ball.

I thought I was coping ok, all these months of it not happening.. & I think I was – to some extent.

But then, to get my BFP, and actually know what it all feels like, it’s almost like it’s given me a whole new sense of ‘loss’...

How do I keep going??? How am I supposed to still have any positive left after this month?? After putting it out to the universe so much, and it failing me, how am I supposed to still believe???